We had "The Talk".
What is it about being a woman and overdramatizing things? I'm normally pretty level-headed, but I've had this ridiculous portrayal in my mind of how everything would play out... I'd finally start a real discussion with my husband about the miscarriage... All the horrible emotions would come flooding back, it would be sad, depressing even, and get us nowhere except back where we started over 3 weeks ago.
WRONG.
It was easy. It came up again over an amazing sunset dinner in Kauai (See, it never escapes you). I finally allowed myself to get into it. Instead of glazing over the topic with our usual rhetoric, I finally asked what I'd been wondering these last few weeks. "How are you feeling now?" "What do you think the future holds for us?" "Are you worried?"... Afraid he'd say yes. His answer was simple. "There's nothing we can do about the past, we just have to keep moving forward. We'll get through this." It was vague. Vagueness usually sets me over the edge... I want to know what you're really thinking! But this time it was perfect. His sincerity and confidence said so much more than his actual words. I finally felt at ease. And a little ridiculous.
We discussed our feelings in the beginning. We both knew how we felt immediately after the miscarriage. It was that time since that everything felt chaotic and distant. Like we were ignoring, almost hoping to forget what we'd been through.
I didn't want to forget. It was part of our story. It was part of us.
We hadn't forgotten. We'd just continued living. Holding each other up and providing each other strength without saying a word. Without needing to "talk".
I forget, especially as a military spouse who has spent 2 years away from my husband, just how strong our unspoken bond is. We know what the other is thinking and feeling without having to speak. We have each others back and we know when we need to speak up.
This time we didn't.
I guess I felt we needed to have "the talk" because all you hear is how important it is for couples to communicate. "Communication is key". What I didn't realize is how well we communicate without saying a word.
We both felt the hurt and sadness from our loss, yet we both knew we would be okay. No matter what, we would have each other. No matter how difficult this time has been for the both of us, we both have faith in His plan.
And can I just say, I love the way my husband folds his shirts...
Crystal I experienced a miscarriage myself a long time ago and reading your blogs brought back memories that only someone who has lived through a miscarriage would truly understand. I thought how great your writing is and how honest it was and how helpful it would be to someone who has experienced the devastation of a miscarriage. I remember so many of your comments and how so many years ago Hank and I experienced the same things but had no one to talk with and no internet to share. Just having the horrible feeling of what you did wrong and how you could have prevented this, and now your blog continues with "The Talk". Crystal, I am sure Adam has told you how close his immediate family and my immediate family have always been, I just love that man to death and would give my life to save his, but now to read your blog is awesome! You two have something that a lot of couples will never have. You two have truly found your soul mates. You will get through this negative event of your life and you will learn and grow from it, honestly probably already have. Your love and admiration has grown, and quite honestly Crystal, God has better aspirations for you and Adam. So you respect and love each other now and in the future because better times are coming to you. I am so sorry for your loss, and so happy the two of you truly share something that a lot of couples will never find, a true soul mate. Hang in, I love you both so much and am truly happy you are doing this thing called life together.
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